Florida Man Strikes Again: Demands Justice After Getting Bad Meth

A Florida man’s quest for consumer protection took an unexpected turn when he asked police to verify if his illegal drugs were, in fact, the illegal drugs he thought he paid for.

🕵️ What We Know: A 49-year-old Hawthorne man, contacted the Putnam County Sheriff’s Office Tuesday with what might be the year’s most ill-conceived complaint. The man claimed he suffered a “bad reaction” after smoking meth he purchased a week earlier. The disgruntled customer suspected he’d been sold the wrong illegal narcotic and wanted to “press charges” against his dealer.

🚔 Ask And You Shall Receive: Putnam County detectives, displaying what can only be described as remarkable customer service, invited the mistaken meth mogul to bring his purchase to the sheriff’s office for quality testing. In a stunning display of compliance, the man drove himself to the station and handed over a crystal-like substance wrapped in aluminum foil.

🧪 Mystery Solved: Field tests confirmed the purchase was indeed methamphetamine – exactly what the man intended to buy. Unfortunately for our bold hero, this consumer satisfaction guarantee came with a catch: immediate arrest for possession of methamphetamine.

😮 A Hotel Room With Bars: In what might be the most predictable plot twist since water was found to be wet, the newly minted prisoner was promptly walked to the Putnam County Jail and held on $5,000 bond. The sheriff’s office, apparently delighted by their successful sting operation, reminded the public that their detectives “are always ready to assist anyone who believes they were misled in their illegal drug purchase.”

🔮 What’s Next: The man now faces possession charges and has inadvertently created what might be the most effective anti-drug PSA of the year: Don’t ask police to test your illegal drugs. They will. And then they will arrest you.

👮 Remember: If you suspect someone sold you the wrong illegal substance, perhaps consider that all illegal substances are, by definition, illegal. The customer service department at your local sheriff’s office is happy to assist, but their return policy involves handcuffs.